Embrace GRAYce

Given my radical thinking about how the justice system should work, I often get asked in jest “Why aren’t you a Public Defender?”

Well then…. I’d be considered a conformist instead of a troublemaker. That wouldn’t go along with one of my life mottos “Well Behaved Woman Rarely Make History”. Besides, as a PD I wouldn’t be able to dismiss my own client’s case as it would defeat the adversarial nature of the punitive system 😁

Makes me stop and think…. Why would people assume I should be a PD given my “radical” mindset? Best way to change things is lead by example. I don’t want to fit a narrative. Prosecutor is my day job, not my identity.

Only took me 37 years & choosing to be uncomfortable by leaving my “identity” aka security blanket job of 9 years to figure that out. Elected Official or Politician is not New Boss’s identity like That Elected Official I used to work for. New Boss understands he has a role to play in the larger system and makes decisions based on that role in order to keep the community safe for his real passion: his family & village.

I’m still a prosecutor in New County. New Boss is still an “elected official”, technically speaking. New Boss makes decisions based on what is best for the community at large given his vast life experience, which isn’t always what looks good in press or on social media.

I’m grateful for Mayberry, which I lovingly call the new town I work in. Mayberry is 20 miles west of Old County. Totally different population. Old County think gangs, violence, drugs, egotistical elected officials; New County is hunters, farmers, booze, positive community vibes. New County is 1/14th the volume of Old County’s population.

New Boss retired from the largest State’s Attorney’s Office after 30 years of service where he was a 1st chair in the felony trial division trying murderers and other heinous criminals. He is smart, kind, funny, witty, insightful, actually tries cases and does it well. He’s living his best life while efficiently running an office that handles high stress situations and I admire that.

New Boss worked as an intern at a Public Defender’s Office while in law school, which helped him understand perception from both sides of the criminal courtroom. He’s only been in New County for a few years & started as an assistant. Another unique perspective.

New Boss has worked hard to find grant money and advocate for the resources needed in New County related to substance abuse, mental health, and opened a Children’s Advocacy Center.

New Boss, with competence and without expending millions, zealously first chaired the jury trial & sentencing of a Defendant who shot an Officer in our community.

He supports cops that are dedicated to safety AND community caretaking. We’re lucky that’s the expectation of the Elected Officials throughout New County and in turn high expectations of the cops on our streets. There is also grace.

After all, a 12 week police training course doesn’t & can’t teach you how to process a dead body and go home to your family & eat dinner like nothing happened.

I’ve been in New County for 10 months. In that time there was an officer involved shooting related to a mental health call in our community. Within 24 hours of having completed reports from a Task Force investigation, coroner’s report, hours of body cam, interviews, New Boss had a press release to the public rightfully clearing the Officer of wrongdoing in that fatal shooting. Just him and his first assistant. There are only 6 attorneys in New County. No cabinet of dirt.

That quick press release gives not only the public, but the Officer peace of mind, too. If I lived in New County, it would reassure me of New Boss’s commitment to the People he took an oath to represent. Not just when it makes him look good as the public jury tends to want police crucified in modern day based on hindsight in high intensity situations.

That’s not fair either. Do police need higher accountability? Yes. Do they deserve to be villainized? No. I’m not running into an active shooter situation, are you?

Oh Hey Elected Officiallllllll. You owe me, your general public, a press release similar to New Boss. You’ve had those completed reports for 8 months now right? Why are we paying someone to be on desk duty and still the head of SWAT at the cost of 150k to taxpayers per year when he was involved in a shooting 2 years ago with no final determination rendered? Maybe New Boss set too high of a standard for me, I digress. I’m not saying he deserves to be villainized either. We all deserve an answer.

New Boss moved from his childhood home in a similar population to New County when he was appointed to show his commitment to the community. New Boss leads by example. He underpromises and overdelivers, versus the opposite standard I got accustomed to in Old County.

He also hired my silly big heart (I hope he’s not regretting that 😇). Turns out you can have compassion for human beings and appreciate accountability when the punishment meets the crime.

Thank you New Boss for being open minded, humble, reasonable and teaching me that prosecution is my day job, not my identity. Thank you for leading by example.

I enjoy listening to the podcast “How to Be a Better Human” while I drive the 35 miles to Mayberry. It inspired me to start this blog. The description says:

Join How to.. as we take a look within and beyond ourselves. How to.. isn’t your average self improvement podcast. Each week join comedian Chris Duffy in conversation with guests and past speakers as they uncover sharp insight and give clear takeaways on how YOU can be a better human.

The greatest takeaway I’ve had from the podcast & New County is: Perception is Everything. Simple, right?

Perception defined is the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses. When you let go of assumptions based on your own lived experience and start practicing curiosity by asking questions & listening, it will make YOUR world a better place to live in.

It’s uncomfortable at first & not easy. When you actively practice curiosity it forces you to embrace the gray…. And that discomfort will transform over time into your new comfortable.

We CHOOSE to make assumptions instead of asking questions out of FEAR. Fear of judgment, fear of using the wrong words, fear of offending people. The only way to replace fear with courage is to be intentional. In order to be intentional, you have to be willing to lose your ego and become self aware away from societal norms.

We live in a divided society largely due societal conditioning throughout childhood. Right vs. Wrong; Good Guys vs. Bad Guys; Popular vs. Unpopular; Republican vs. Democratic. We all have different life experiences that guide our perception.

This may sound hypocritical given my previous blogs….. I LOVE THE JUSTICE SYSTEM. I don’t like the hyper-regulated punitive system it has turned into through harsh punishments that don’t address the underlying reason for criminality.

Sometimes “Justice” means getting defendants domestic violence and addiction resources so they don’t end up in a bad situation again. I hear you Mady girl. Sometimes

“Justice” means understanding police officers are humans, make mistakes & shouldn’t lose their livelihood for one mistake with the benefit of hindsight.

Losing my identity as “Lead PSC Prosecutor” in Old County forced me out of a comfort zone I didn’t realize I had. I wore the white cap because I could challenge the prosecutor norm in Old County by playing my role in PSC in my “do too much” way without admitting the injustices flying in my face. Both personally and professionally.

When you work for the societal “good guys” or wear the “white cap”, are you held to the same standard by society for committing societal “wrongs”?

Fact is, I’m no “better” than the Defendants I’m prosecuting. The cops aren’t either. You aren’t either. I’m not competing to be better than anyone but myself. By societal standards, I have loads of learned experience. So do the million of attorneys licensed before me. Not much that’s unique or perceptive about learned experience.

Working in New County, I see the makings of a community system that shows by example how the justice system could do better.

Is it perfect? No. Perfection is setting yourself up for failure. Those good community vibes help the system work as a whole through public accountability AND support. I can tell you through my short lived experience in Mayberry, it lacks adequate mental health and substance abuse resources in light of the rural demographics. They are trying their best to efficiently provide those resources to their community through the phenomenal Health Dept. They could use more support too.

I feel we spend too much cash or freedom to pay for our past wrongdoings versus making a commitment to do better moving forward. Cash or freedom? That depends if you’re a societal good or bad guy. Level of accountability seems to correlate with your good or bad societal identity.

Less societal privilege, higher accountability. More societal privilege, less accountability.

From my POV and personal experience, it seems the higher up in the chain of elected official privilege command you get, the more criminal acts you can get away with free from accountability.

Media publishes press releases and society believes Elected Officials statements are supported in fact or at least credible. We tend to assume they are more credible than a bitter employee.

There is no internal affairs division that holds the inner cabinet of a Sheriff’s Office’s administration accountable, for example. If there is, I can tell you it’s not working in Old County.

A well respected defense attorney who knows me well commented, “I respect what is clearly coming from the heart!! You will probably find out that you will be criticized for giving your opinion and people will judge without knowledge of what you know.” All true and thank you Counsel for supporting my passionate heart.

In the words of Sir Winston Churchill, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Wise words. The quiet messages of support from the people who are still silenced have been the loudest and I’m still feeling the “pain” 😂 There is healing in speaking.

I remembered where my passion was in being a glorified storyteller outside of a courtroom in this blog and refusing to be silenced for my truth. Admission: New Boss knows about my blog 😳 No this glowing endorsement was not paid for by his campaign. I would have used his actual name had I profited given the two thumbs up review.

I feel as if he has seen my hard work, knowledge set & big heart at his office over the past 8 months and we have mutual respect for each other. New Boss reminded me how freeing it is to advocate for yourself. He also holds himself accountable while giving himself grace. No double standards. His identity isn’t tied to media optics or “politician”..

New Boss is a man that is passionate about building a safe community for his family that he is proud to play a role in. He’s not too afraid of this lil ol’ blog because he has nothing he hasn’t held himself accountable for.

My girl T. Swift said it well… “Who’s Afraid of Lil Old Me? You should be……..” but only if you’ve been wearing that white cap, good guy mask for press as an Elected Official… or part of That Elected Official’s inner cabinet.

Beauty of it is, you know your truth. If there’s nothing to hide, there’s nothing to be afraid of. That’s my expectation of my elected official.

I tried to deny the Elle Woods blonde stereotype I tend to get when people judge this book by its cover when I step into a courtroom. I now use it to my advantage and their disadvantage 😁 🦸‍♀️ Turns out there is a whole lot of knowledge beneath this blonde mane. Knowledge is power.

As a wise Judge I respect more than most once told me after playing the hunger games for 8 years himself, “Jackie, Keep your Eyes & Ears Open. Mouth Shut. Speak in Fact, not Feeling. Work Smarter, Not Harder. Document EVERYTHING.”

Glad I took that to heart and have a burn book full of chapters from my 9 years. Except I have BIG FEELINGS. I forgot that part too often. Sorry Wise Judge.

What’s not to like about Elle? She has a big heart, loads of knowledge, insight, grace, self-acceptance, perception outside of her pink shoes, critically thinks and challenges the norm in her own quirky way. Embraces her gray. Those are the qualities we need in leaders and can embrace everyday to be a better person.

TLDR; Be like New Boss. Lead by Example. I’m in my Elle Woods Era.

“I’ll show you how valuable Elle Woods Can Be”