Embrace GRAYce

Meet 17CF307 & 18CF274. .

That’s how Defendants are seen in courtrooms in America. Another file, another case number, another day.

Those case numbers mean so much more. That’s a human being. It’s a beautiful girl who had the odds stacked against her. A young defendant being punished for not having good parents and for being a victim of sex trafficking. A lost soul that needed guidance and love.

Meet our angel Madalyn Nicole Popik, the Defendant in 17CF307 & 18CF274. Mady’s version of this post would be way more entertaining. Sadly, I can’t give that to you. At the young age of 26, Mady was permanently silenced when she was killed by her abuser in November 2022.

Mady’s story deserves to be told and heard LOUDLY.

You’ll get little glimpses of Mady here through her social media posts. Trigger warnings galore folks. This is heavy, it’s also real. Mady’s voice is the one that needs to be heard the loudest.

Her “dad” didn’t publish an Obituary as he never saw the “good” in Mady. He was so wrong.

This is for you, Mady. YOU were enough sweet girl.

I would not have been able to tell Mady’s story without Callie*, her best friend. Thank you for opening your heart and trusting me with your world. I’m so grateful Mady had you and that you gave her the love she needed while she was here. She would be so proud of you.

Callie graduated PSC in 2023, 11ish months after Mady was taken from us. That’s right. Callie was my Defendant. So was Mady. Watching Callie walk the graduation stage & turn from a little girl to a confident woman was awe inspiring, especially if you knew what she overcame to get there. Tears streamed down my face as I cheered her on with her baby boy from the audience. I know Mady was there too. Kind of disappointed she didn’t take the opportunity to play a booty shaking song when Callie got her plaque.

It was the first graduation I wasn’t on stage with the graduates as their prosecutor. I quit 6 weeks before from burn out. That’s what happens when you “do too much” in government. In the eyes of that Elected Official I worked for, I’m sure I did do too much for the PSC clients. That Elected Official and I clearly had different definitions of what “enough” is for humans beings.

During the 2.5 years I was stationed at the PSC building, a stone’s throw away from the main office, I never once saw the Elected Official there. He rarely missed an opportunity to get in front of the cameras at graduation though. Like yesterday.

Press releases don’t heal trauma.

Many of my own human faults come out in this story, that’s why slight names* are changed. I’ll never apologize for empathy being my superpower.

MAMA MADZ

First time I laid eyes on Mady in 2019, she was in a jail issued uniform, shackled at the wrists and ankles, with no light coming from her baby blue eyes. She showed me what a perfect score looked like on a 5 panel drug test. She tested positive for weed, cocaine, benzos, opiates and x. Damn sis.

Mady graduated PSC in 2021 after the longest run in its history. Always striving for that gold 😂 She would loudly announce her presence and visit us frequently after graduating.

After losing her mom at the age of 3, it was like Mady used drugs to create memories of the mom she craved. Mady was desperate for the one thing every child should have without asking: unconditional love.

Before she reached 16, she found “love” with one of her original abusers. He beat her down to build her up into his dream: straight cash at the small price of her adolescence. That original abuser and his conspirator were federally indicted in 2020 for trafficking Mady & two other young girls from 2017-2018. The last time he laid hands on Mady was at a hotel when he was arrested for Armed Robbery in 2020. More on that later, I have so many unanswered questions.

Jim was Mady’s legal guardian after her mom died. He was biologically her uncle. He may have adopted her, but guardian is a better word. It lacks emotion. Like Jim. He did the best he was capable of, which wasn’t much. The Tough Love approach. I try to give him grace because he didn’t ask to be her parent. He also had the choice to say no. Mady didn’t deserve to be treated like a burden. She was given this life, she didn’t have a choice. Jim died unexpectedly in December 2023.

Mady’s only true unconditional love in her childhood came from her grandma. Grandma died while Mady was in jail on the cases above. Grandma loved her hard and vice versa. Their love was strained due to Grandma’s age & health…… Mady’s addiction to drugs & finding adult men to show her “love” may have also played a small part in the strain too.

November 7, 2022

That fateful morning, Mady was driving her final abuser around for “business” about 8 am on a busy road before she had work that afternoon. He assaulted Mady the entire night before & sent the message above to Callie. In his final act of abuse, he caused the car they were in to crash into oncoming traffic. Like the coward he was, he died on impact. I don’t wish death on anyone, there is something to be said about karma. Same could be said about Jim.

There is never a reason to put your hands on someone else unless your safety is being threatened.

Callie got a call from Mady’s work when she didn’t show up for her shift at 2. I found out later that Callie and Mady shared each other’s location. Callie saw Mady’s location at a tow lot. Callie went to the tow lot around noon because Mady wasn’t answering her phone. She didn’t recognize Mady’s car because it was just a twisted pile of metal. It took Callie calling police departments and the hospital to find her girl.

I was sitting at my desk packing up for the day when Mady & Callie’s Probation Officer Val* came running around the corner (see the bottom of this post for a little insight on Val, she’s a true wonder woman). Callie was at the hospital, Mady was in a crash and the hospital was looking for Jim to approve brain surgery to release the swelling. We tried every number to no avail.

I remember being on Rt 53 headed home, then somehow I was at the hospital. Last I knew, they were waiting on Jim. I didn’t have Callie’s number or know where Mady was physically at in the hospital. In hindsight, I didn’t know much of anything on that day. I knew how to be a human. I knew Mady girl was going in for surgery. Mady had made it through far worse battles and would make it through this one too. What do we have without hope?

Without thinking, I let go of my role as a prosecutor. The incredible nurses were so kind & warm as I explained Mady and I’s very unusual relationship. “I was her prosecutor” generally isn’t how hospital visitors introduce themselves.

Hooked up to what seemed like a million wires, Mady being the strongest girl I ever knew by the grace of god held on in critical condition for five days. She was in an induced coma, had swelling in her brain, a fractured femur, cracked pelvic bone & broken wrist. She flatlined twice.

At one point during her hospital stay, the Doctors wanted to do a scan on her brain for activity. Jim, a trauma nurse, tried to decline and take her off life support. The neurologist said she would require 24 hour at home care if she survived and Jim didn’t want that burden. Mady’s Best Friend Floyd and I were looking into Power of Attorney options.

Mady wasn’t a burden. She had value. She has value. She deserved so much f****** more. The texts between Callie and I while Mady was in the hospital holding on to dear life:

Mady was just over 2 years sober when she died. Drugs didn’t kill her, her unhealed trauma did. She was a manager at a restaurant, making over $50k/year, bought her first car and house. The American Dream. She was exceeding every goal she made for herself. She was kind, compassionate, and went out of her way to advocate for other PSC participants, even after graduating.

All she ever wanted was to feel love the way she gave it. Mady and Callie found that in each other.

Mady met her final abuser in Drug Court. I sentenced him to DOC in 2021 on a few drug cases after he was unsuccessful in PSC. It’s hard not to think I should have put him away for longer. Maybe that would have saved our girl.

Mady in her own words 🙂

Drafting this brought me back to a place I haven’t been since leaving that Elected Official’s office. I had 250 PSC clients on my docket when Mady died and the vicarious trauma hit hard, like the air was sucked from my lungs. Thank you Mady for helping me finally catch my breath again.

I saw Mady twice in the 6 weeks before she died. September 22, 2022 and November 3, 2022. In September she crashed her old stomping grounds of PSC Courtroom 401.

She gained some weight, I didn’t notice. Mady had me in tears laughing as she loudly told the entire floor she needed to spend her hard earned money on clothes that fit, instead of her boyfriend’s bond money. I told her how proud I was of her and not to repeat past cycles of the guys I knew she was visiting at the video visit in jail. We talked about her testifying against her original abuser in federal court. I promised I’d be there with her.

Mama Madz was at court making sure a warrant wasn’t issued for her final abuser on his new cases because he was “doing better”. Mady taught me to look for the “better” in people. I say better in light of my own belief we get stuck in black & white boxes of good v. bad. I can thank my angel girl for that.

Final abuser wasn’t the ACTUAL reason Mama Madz was there. Callie had court. Mady was a lover on the inside, but given the cards life dealt her, she was as hard as a diamond on the outside. Mady’s nails were often filed like little talons in case the claws needed to be drawn. Why do you think Callie and I obsessed over her nails even on her last day? 🥹

She told Callie she came to court for her final abuser, but in reality it was a ruse. A warrant was issued for him. Mama Madz was worried about Callie. She couldn’t put her finger on it and asked me to keep my ear to the ground… Callie was newly pregnant with her second baby boy and doing well… I was so confused.

Mady turned from pimp daddy Mady to prosecutor before my eyes when she looked at me very seriously and told me to lock Callie up if necessary.. not sure I ever told Callie that last part. I laughed a little, but she was serious. I agreed, reluctantly.

While editing this, Callie told me that her and Mady met in jail in 2017. They were cellies 👯‍♀️ Mady found her first safe place in life with Callie in a jail cell. In hindsight, I think Mady was worried about Callie in that moment because she had a bad feeling about her own demise. She needed to know Callie would be safe if she wasn’t around to protect her. I’ll do my best to keep her safe Mady, I hear you now.

The greatest win I THOUGHT I had as a prosecutor was working with the feds to secure a search/arrest warrant for Mady’s original abuser in 2020.

I realize now that I unknowingly failed Mady at that same time. I’m angry and I have a lot of questions: Why was Mady facing prostitution charges from another County in 17CF1376 until 2021 if she cooperated with the feds? Why didn’t the FBI get those charges dismissed? Why was Mady with her original abuser in 2020 when he was arrested if she gave the Feds info before that? Why didn’t the Feds protect her? Why didn’t they take care of a case that was clearly a result of the abuse she unfairly endured? WHY?

These hard questions came up as I was doing final edits on this post. In true Mady fashion, one post will not be enough to do her justice. Mady’s obituary is turning into a chapter book. Whatever it takes for your name and story to be heard loud sis.

Seems like getting good press for getting the bad guy off the street is more important to the government than healing the trauma of the victims involved.

I asked one of the girls named as a victim in the original abuser’s indictment those same questions. Preaching to the choir, but I cannot and will not ever be able to wrap my head around the injustices in that situation alone. She said, “We wondered the same but never really said anything, ya know?”

Heartbroken is an understatement. Mady’s original abuser pled guilty and is awaiting sentencing. His co-defendant got 20 years. That’s disgusting. I will never be able to apologize enough for how much society failed you guys.

There were so many injustices that Mady saw in her short life that could have been the opportunity to save her. I can’t go back, but I can do better for you, and for the other girls like you that are still out there.

Google Mady’s name and see what comes up. Mugshots. She was societal “bad”. Why did we punish Mady for not having parents that were capable of providing for her basic human needs? She was sexually abused from a young age and it was beaten into her that she was only valuable as a sex object. Instead of help her, we pushed her into her original abuser’s arms. His arms were softer than the four walls of the jail cell where society showed her “tough love”.

I don’t want to live in a system where the focus is on criminally charging the victim, while the true monster remains free. While the government feeds its ego with press releases.

Sweet Mady girl you were nurturing, selfless, always made to be the strong one. You were Callie’s rock and she was yours. You both found love in each other that the adults in your worlds were not capable of giving.

Callie endured a lot of the same traumas Mady did. I’m so proud she made it out of the trenches thriving. It is truly beautiful to watch you flourish as an amazing mama to your two beautiful baby boys.

That doesn’t mean every day isn’t a struggle for Callie still. Though she be little, she is fierce. You inspire me to help change the system that was so unfair to you.

You both deserved so much more and I’m so sorry. I will always try to do better in honor of both of you.

I can’t wait to tell your story, Callie. I will be forever be grateful to have you in my life and I hope you know I will always be a safe place for you.

Rest easy, sweet Madalyn. You deserved so much better, we will show you.

Callie and I hear you loud and clear sis. Do you hear her?

For a little UPDATE on this blog and Callie, go here!

Rise Up by Andra Day

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you
For you
For you
For you

When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you
For you
For you
For you

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise

I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again

For you
For you
For you
For you

For you Madalyn Nicole Popik.

**Val — if you ever read this: You are one of the most insightful and perceptive women I have ever met. You’ve changed so many lives, mine and Mady’s included. When you think Probation Officer, the complete opposite is Val. You were the closest thing Mady had to a mom. You didn’t choose that spot. It chose you and you hit it out of the park for the short time you were a ray of sunshine in her life. Thank you will never be enough.

Quick story: Rewind to 2019 when I took over drug court. It was my first graduation and I was new to felony land. I was naïve/lacked insight & assumed one of the black Defendants graduating wouldn’t care if he received a conviction on a class 4 possession case instead of a dismissal. Val looked at me perplexed and matter of factly said “why would you assume that?” I think of that exchange daily. I dismissed his case that day. I’m thankful for people like Val who felt comfortable challenging my norm. Keep it up.

**I called Callie’s public defender immediately while this was ongoing to report myself and recused myself from her prosecution. I value my ethics, given the circumstances I’d make the choice again and again and again with Callie.

There are many more pieces to Mady’s story…. stay tuned.