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How do you honor those who served our country, made it out alive physically, but lost their soul to war? Veterans Day isn’t enough…
Meet 17cfxxxxxx amongst other case numbers 😉
the best friend a girl could ask for.
Robin Findlay.
a lil about us in rob’s words:
“I met Jackie through PSC (Problem Solving Courts) & was one of the first peer support workers brought on. Initially I was nervous because my criminal history is like a Chicago phone book. Interviewing was nerve wracking because of how I look. I spent 20 years scrapping and boxing, then became a combat veteran in the Army. Returning home, I jumped to full blown junkie making my dope money physically hurting people that were part of the game. If you know people that fit this criteria, we tend to have a uniform. Tattooed with anger issues, hatred of hypocrisy, and no fear telling anyone to f**k off. Politician or not.”
“My interviews went great because I know peer support. When I started I could spot who the fakes were in the office quickly. They put on a great show just to stigmatize you. And not even courteous enough to do it to your face. I hate back speaking. But Jackie and I became friends then family. She was the first person willing to hear the grittiest of details in order to further understand these client issues. We both believe with all our heart in what we do. The powers that be, saw we weren’t subscribing to how they do things. Then we were outcasts. To me, that’s just a Tuesday.”
“But the treatment of her had me almost going back to my old ways and tossing people out windows. But then I’d be what they told everyone i was & they don’t get to do that. So like her, I walked away. Mostly to save my own sobriety and mental health. As peer support, the SAO never really saw our benefit. And I’m sure they didn’t want to. Which is ultimately a them problem, not me. But when they started nonsense with the heart and soul of the program… I could not abide by that.”
“So I burned my bridge with the current iteration of the program. They talked a fantastic game and backed none of it. If we had a PSC with an Elected Official that actually cared, we would have had the best PSC in the state. But the plot was ultimately lost. And you can’t pretend you didn’t see behind the curtain. The employees that actually care about clients needs and progress, get treated like scum. Then what do you do. I trust Jackie more than my kin. On paper we shouldn’t get along lol. But I’m blessed that we do.”
Amen brother, I thank my lucky stars daily that you gave ME a chance. The tears pouring down my face reading Rob’s version.
In honor of you, I use this post as a Memorial to Soldier Rob, thank god you were unkillable.
My black cat bestie with 9 lives.
Deb named you perfectly little blue Robin bird. It has been one of the greatest gifts to see you explode from the ashes as Daddy Bird Rising.
Rob sent me a YouTube interview of Hutch, an army veteran, in 2021 shortly after we met. He said “If you want to hear my story, listen to Hutch then we can talk.”
Not sure Rob will admit this, but I think when he sent me Hutch it was to gauge if I was just a pretty prosecutor who spoke a big game.
If you haven’t seen the “Hutch Interview” on YouTube, start there with your first Embrace GRAYce recommendation. I’m listening to it while drafting this. It’s not pretty. It’s real. He served at the same time as Rob.
Fifteen-ish minutes into the interview, Hutch started talking about processing the trauma of war:
Witnessing human beings display carnage upon each other in your early 20s is not natural. No matter how much we see war as a natural state of being, no matter how much we think it is normal to be at war. There is nothing natural about it. The way that people… That young men can turn into a monster… and then go right back to being a young man is… breathtaking.
Looking back at what we were capable of doing or what I saw friends be capable of doing and then going back and returning to their families. Coming off the plane, picking up their little girl spinning, kissing her on the face… And I’m thinkin’… I saw you do some shit that would make that little girl throw up for the rest of her life…
You hear an interesting cliché “you did what you had to do”… ok you got us there.. But how much was absolutely necessary? Only way I have been able to come to terms with it if I see America’s military as a system and it plays a part in a larger system of world peace….
I urge you to rethink saying to veterans or first responders “you did what you had to do.” I know we are trying to make them feel better and show empathy in our own moment of discomfort, choose different words next time.
Don’t beat yourself up for saying it in the past, do better, that’s all ☺️
I don’t believe anybody’s freedoms were individually safer because I took human life at that time… And now to come home at 24 and try to justify that and put it in a picture that is pretty, is impossible. I got hurt and because I got hurt I was given drugs. Taking those drugs made it much easier to cope. This emotion makes me uncomfortable and this substance takes it away. That is my new natural state of being.
Let that sink in.
Then Hutch starts talking about the 10 year old kid he killed during a mission. Blew his head off. Hutch, or other members of the military for that matter, didn’t know there was a kid behind the door he was breaching with a shotgun until the dust cleared.
That 10 year old is growing up headless in Hutch’s dreams to this day. He said it best with “that’ll put a needle in your arm.”
Picture this: You are young 18 year old scrapper Rob. Not sure what you want to do with your life. Life hasn’t been easy. Never had a father figure outside of your Grandpa because your dad tried to kill you as an infant. So you serve your country, it’s the American Way.
I love how Rob builds himself up as a dirtbag in his own paragraph. After you read my POV, let’s see what you think.
Daddy Bird Robin Findlay is a decorated combat war HERO. He did two tours in Iraq from 04-05 and 07-08. Remember those years shortly after 9/11?
Rob was awarded a Purple Heart two times and a Bronze Star for Heroism for his actions in combat.
He was blown up by an IED saving his squadron.
That God Damn Soldier was useless to the military in a hospital bed. So they gave Rob a rotating prescription of norcos. When he came back to civilian life, they ripped the drugs away without tapering him. They took, as Hutch would say, his new natural state of being away with no replacement.
Rob was left to cope with the trauma of war and what he did because he was volunTOLD to do it. He was a beaten down war veteran with a VA doctor appointment 9 months away. They wanted him to be one of the 22 veterans that take their lives daily, he was cheaper to our government that way.
Money is more important to our government than human life after all.
Rob was a hammer in the dark world. He collected debts…. Cash or pumpkin head. I’m not going into that here because his actions then do not define him. He was a product of our very broken government doing what he had to do to survive. Just like the military told him.
Before turning 30, Rob had been shot 3 times, stabbed twice and blown up by an IED.
I think the research says a male brain isn’t fully formed until around the age of 30. What does military, life trauma & addiction do to a brain that’s not fully formed?
Rob joined PSC in 2021 and resigned a month after me on September 8, 2023. He was diagnosed at the VA with stress induced congestive heart failure. A combat war veteran left PSC from a broken heart…
Nobody did anything to save him, again.
Leaving the brotherhood he created in PSC’s Veterans Court damn near broke him, but the stress was literally killing him.
Some of the notes Rob received from Veterans who graduated PSC:
“Shit gets fucked up and we pick each other back up. You were dealing with the same shit I was dealing with before I snapped. I respect everything you were trying to do for us.”
“Thank you again the day of graduation I was pretty nervous there were a lot of people there but thank you again without you I wouldn’t have made it through this program and everyone else that helped also tell Anthony I said hello as well”
The week after Rob resigned, he sent an email to the Elected Official mentioned over the past few posts asking to meet regarding his abrupt resignation. You’d think that elected official would be interested in how his office didn’t support a combat war hero trying to help other combat war heroes? Those who sacrificed their lives for our freedom.
Rob is still waiting for that conversation Mr. Elected Official.
What has that Elected Official done outside of media optics to make our community safer besides lock up one prolific wife killer?
Or try to scare you with the fear of bloodshed in our streets over the Safe-T Act?Safe-T Act was implemented in September 2023…. same month Rob resigned funny enough. The bloodshed remains about the same before and after. I’m so glad he spent countless months obsessing over the bloodshed and spent countless tax dollars for nothing. Yet again. So busy that Rob’s email remains unanswered.
At a bare minimum, the disrespect should make you outraged.
What is peer support?
A peer support specialist is a person with “lived experience” who has been trained to support those who struggle with mental health, psychological trauma, or substance use. Their personal experience of these challenges provide peer support specialists with expertise that professional training cannot replicate.
Wikipedia sums it up may more succinctly than I ever could because peer support is so much more than that.
I saw the hard work Rob and Anthony did with PSC clients whether it was 2 pm or 2 am. They didn’t do it for the $1000 paycheck they got every two weeks.
I heard all the words of gratitude about them from participants and saw the number of successful graduates double with them as part of the team.
It was impossible to ignore their immense value and that’s from the point of view of the mean old prosecutor.
The State’s Attorney’s Office & my fave Elected Official allowed Anthony and Rob to be treated like glorified drug testers. Their integrity was repeatedly questioned & they were micro-managed to the point of burnout.
Heck, to the point of literal heart break.
Fast forward 10 months: Anthony is back using on the streets with warrants & I almost lost Rob too.
About three months ago, Rob called beating himself up per usual. He had gone to a somewhat alternative shop in Mayberry and applied for a job. His sweet baby boy arrived a few weeks ago and Rob was trying to make some extra cash while going through intense PTSD therapy at the VA.
I was so proud of him for going to therapy. Rob’s wifey supported him and agreed to cover bills while he stayed at home with the Future of America. Even though his two biggest supporters were telling him “You Are Enough” he still didn’t believe it and felt like he had to bring money in.
Money makes the world go round.
With a help wanted sign in the window, the young kid laughed at Rob when he asked for an application. Rob’s spirit was broken again.
Want to know my why? It’s stories like Rob. And Mady Girl.
Robin Findlay, Daddy Bird, you have value. You alone. Take away all the labels of convict, hammer, dirtbag, scrapper, junkie, user, addict, veteran, peer support, dad, son, life partner, best friend, hero. I’m grateful those labels led you to where you are today. None of them define you. You & your heart alone are enough.
So excited to be part of this next chapter: Daddy Bird Rising.
UPDATE June 16, 2024:
That Elected Official appeared on a Radio Show on June 12th… full link below this clip. Enjoy.
He HAD the best PSC in the state until the wheels fell off last fall.
Saving human lives didn’t fluff his hair & ego enough to properly care or support what was the best PSC in the state.
Overpromising & underdelivering looks too good on That Elected Official in the press, feels greasy to me 🤮
Stop supporting (electing) those who do ⬆️
The greasy feel seems to be weighing someone’s well coifed hair down.
Rob’s baby boy is a month old now & is kind of 🤭 pictured with me on the EG homepage.
If you are a Veteran in need of resources go here or contact me:
https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/
help give Rob the support he needs by clicking below:
Embrace GRAYce 
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