Embrace GRAYce

“At least you’re better to look at than your colleagues.”

I blinked back at the Judge in silence, the optimistic smile slowly fading from my “better to look at” face.

First time in 8.5 years appearing in a courtroom outside of toxic Will County bright eyed and excited for change…

Welp.

WWYD in my shoes?

I was standing in a courtroom, surrounded by male attorneys, when his honor—the fair, neutral, unbiased trier of fact, literally sitting above me in his black robe on the bench, felt comfortable making that statement… on my first day in Mayberry.

Props to the tougher broads who would’ve stood up to the man.

I fake laughed and went on with my day, conditioned to be a good girl that played nice.

Maybe it was an off day…

Except it wasn’t. His hostile behavior was incessant—looking for small reasons to criticize me or make me look stupid in front of colleagues.

Fast forward a year to the end of July 2024, I had a 402 conference with that same Judge and a defense attorney in chambers—fancy legal terms meaning we had an off the record conversation in the Judge’s office about a plea agreement to see if he would go along with it.

Pretty normal.

I started telling the Judge I couldn’t sustain my burden on the case—or I didn’t have the facts to prove it—by simply prefacing with, “[T]o be candid.”

Before I could get the rest of the facts out, the Judge interrupted me to lighten the mood, I guess, with a joke…

“HA. You can’t be candid, All Women are Liars.”

Loudly repeating the “All Women are Liars” part…

Three times…

Then laughed at his hilarious joke before approving the nothing abnormal to be lied about plea agreement.

I kept my mouth shut, again, like a good girl… and went on with my day…. used it later as inspiration for the All Women Are Lunatic Liars movement I blogged about last week.

Made lemonade out of lemons.

Some background for context… I’m the only female prosecutor in my office—youngest by twenty years. I respect the hell out of the guys I work with, especially New Boss—he’s built my confidence and taught me to advocate for myself.

We laugh, joke, swear and shoot the shit. I’m quick to the punch and was BORN to engage in witty banter with a perverse twist.

Point being.. there is a time and place to joke, if that’s what you’re doing.

The “jokes” from the Judge were actually demeaning microaggressions meant to devalue my worth based on gender alone.

I’ve been welcomed with open arms by the other two judges, public defenders, attorneys, court staff, and the coppers are even content with how I handle cases.

Shocker.

Took me awhile to understand I didn’t do anything wrong to be villainized by this Judge—I didn’t have a chance the moment I stepped in his courtroom with high heels on.

This summer I overheard him calling my female predecessor an evil bitch for appealing one of his decisions.

It clicked. His behavior wasn’t about Jackie, it’s who he is: a misogynist.

That behavior is what continues to fuel the A WALL narrative.

He’s a patriarchal warrior that snuck his way into an esteemed role intended for an advisor.

I kept my mouth shut and didn’t ruffle feathers because he left the bench recently and I didn’t feel it necessary to muddy the beautiful Mayberry waters over a temporary problem….

Until I heard he has the opportunity to be reappointed as Judge in Mayberry soon—and he’s the rumored front runner.

But she persisted…. And persisted… Then persisted some more…

I’m disappointed I didn’t speak up for myself the many times I had a chance.

I tolerated it—not just with this Judge, but thousands and thousands of times before.

I’m tired of having to overcome the “woman mountain” before being given the same amount of respect as men.

I can’t stay silent if I want meaningful change so our younger generations don’t have to tolerate the same “jokes”.

I didn’t provoke the “jokes” in any way, shape or form—I was doing my job.

Other people could’ve intervened.

Crickets.

If the majority doesn’t speak up, how am I supposed to feel safe speaking up when I’m already at a societal disadvantage—especially in that Judge’s eyes?

In sum, the Judge’s behavior is representative of a larger problem. The same I’ve seen with Jimmy G, OC Sheriff, and DC Weazy: warriors who shouldn’t be making decisions because they don’t have the brain capacity to do so.

Hoping history doesn’t repeat itself and the powers that be do what’s right in appointing someone who can do a better job, even if it’s not what’s popular 🤞